Katie's laughter

And furthermore,

2009-05-12T21:07:00.000-07:00

I can't explain it, but Prejean really bothers me. I'll let Keith Olberman do the talking:

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Carrie Prejean and why she bothers me

2009-05-12T08:22:00.000-07:00

Fine, she believes in "traditional marriage." Whatever. My feelings about that should be obvious.

Please tell me, though, how she represents either Christian values or strong women by posing nude, semi-nude, or by getting breast implants???

Lesson learned from this: any time Donald Trump says some one is lovely, they won't get fired.

Mother's Day

2009-05-12T07:11:00.001-07:00

We surprised our moms and drove up for the day. Also, the pictures of Katie's cards (out of order).

Taste of Addison

2009-05-12T07:06:00.001-07:00

Is it over yet???

2009-05-12T06:42:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the worst day yet of being pregnant- I couldn't keep anything down until last night. My hopes are that it was the final hurrah of all this sickness nonsense, because it did not last much longer with Katie. So far, this morning, I've eaten a bowl of cereal- seriously, that's about quadruple of everything I had total (and then threw up) yesterday. I'm hoping it stays down because I have to get things done today, namely, a load of underwear- I'm just about out!

I can smell my neighbor's laundry dryer sheets this morning, too, and that's gross. But, so far, I feel much, much better today...fingers crossed it stays that way. And- apparently, my friend LaRae's water broke this morning. Here's hoping everything goes perfectly for the Duff family!

Heading into the second trimester

2009-05-08T19:19:00.000-07:00

Thanks goodness, tomorrow is the first day of my second trimester- week 14. I have felt like total crap today, so I hope the next couple weeks brings an end to the nausea. Seriously, I'm so over it. I eat, and feel like crap. I don't eat because I feel sick when I do, and I feel like crap then. Some days have been better than others, but the past two have been awful.

Still a good sign, though. That's the bright side, I guess. I just can't wait to eat a meal in peace, especially since Mom, Katie and I are going to Santa Fe in a week- and I can't wait for all the food!

Here's looking forward to the Shed, the Pantry, and tons of other delicious restaurants in Santa Fe. No La Fonda since Katie's with us, but oh, I can't wait...

Right up there with Valentine's day??

2009-05-07T09:17:00.000-07:00

Some Valentine's Days are better than others and the magnitude of my expectations for the day has certainly changed over the years. My disenchantment with romance comes despite my sizable skepticism regarding the reality of romance. But now, Mother's Day is right up there as one of those days I set my expectations really, really, reeeeally low.

What you can call my "first" Mother's Day was great, if the gratification I got from my Mom and Eric's parents were all that mattered. From my hubby, however....not so much. I was quite pregnant with Katie at the time, we had both even bought flowers for our mothers, but that Sunday, I got up to cook my own breakfast before Eric even realized what he had completely, entirely forgotten about me: that I, too, was a mother. I'm not gonna lie: I was deeply upset. I walked out the kitchen door to sob because I just didn't want Eric to know how hurt I was that he had completely forgotten about me on Mother's Day.

Last year, Eric redeemed himself. It was rainy that day, but he cooked a delicious meal that we were going to eat al fresco. It was wonderful, plus I bought my kick ass coffee maker with the gift money Mom sent.

This year, I'm carrying that sense of forboding. Katie's day care requested a picture of she and I together for a holiday art project. I actually have very few pictures of the two of us together because I'm the one manning the camera most times.

This morning, as Eric and Katie were headed out the door, I commented that I guess I wasn't getting my mother's day gift from Katie's school because we had never brought a picture in. Yes, I'm bitter about this. Very bitter. And then, Eric first says that he's pretty sure they took a picture of Katie at school.

Okay, fine. But then he implies that I should print out a picture of myself to take to school. I hope it's evident why this ticks me off. I'm not going to help Katie construct the gift intended for me. That's should be his job...or am I crazy?

So, we're back to two years ago when he seems completely clueless. Maybe I expect too much, or maybe I'd just like my husband to take the time to do something as simple as print a picture out and take it to school. Really, that would be perfectly sweet and would totally make my day.

Maybe I'll be surprised Sunday. I'm not getting my hopes up.

Jenny McCarthy, please cut it out

2009-05-06T09:32:00.001-07:00

I get that some people are cautious about what vaccines their kids take. I understand that some pick and choose their children's vaccinations. But I think people like Jenny McCarthy are inherently irresponsible re: the relationship between vaccines and autism. A few weeks ago, her boyfriend, Jim Carrey, posted on Huffington Post in support of what I guess is now his cause, too.

I saw her on some tv show for a few minutes (because I had to turn the channel- it was making me angry) this morning. I have to back actress Amanda Peet here who is a part of a campaign to counter the irresponsible campaigning of people like McCarthy. As Peet says, if you want to know physics, you go to a physicist. If you want to understand medicine, go to a doctor before making a judgment on vaccines and autism.

The problem with McCarthy is, her evidence is purely anecdotal. This morning, she and the (quack) pediatrician she's paired up with to, I don't know, "fight" autism cited the successes of the children in his clinic, McCarthy's son a chief success case among them. The pediatrician, when confronted with questions from the show's dubious host, said that no one that questions his claims has come to see what's going on in his clinic. I would say this: there are reasons long term, large-scale studies are used and evidence is painstakingly collected. Anecdotal evidence is not valid, nor is it reliable. And it seems that that's all McCarthy has.

There are NO studies to support her claim, and others like her, that vaccines are to blame for the increased instances of autism in children. There are, however, studies that refute this position. I am the first to say that science can be used for negative things, but in terms of the greater public health, vaccines have gone a long way towards eradicating once-deadly diseases and are crucial to the maintenance of the public well-being.

So Jenny, please cut it out, before too many people listen to you and believe what you say. Please be responsible.

So it's not pinkeye after all

2009-05-05T10:18:00.000-07:00

Turns out Katie has an infection in both ears, and all that goo welled over into her eyes. So, no conjunctivitis, but we still have to give her eye drops three times a day and an oral antibiotic. Based on our experience January 2008, I'm gearing up for lots of loose, dirty diapers from the antibiotic.

Seriously, you'd never know she had an ear infection. She's been sleeping perfectly through the night and her temperature went away Friday.

Her little eyes are puffy right now and getting all goopy again. I'll have to clean them off before nap time. Needless to say, I'm on nurse duty the next day or two, but I'm glad it's not bacterial conjunctivitis. That's some nasty stuff.

The pinkeye

2009-05-04T14:17:00.000-07:00

Katie's home with the pinkeye. I'm about to dig out the eyebright and make an eyewash for her. We've got a doctor's appointment in the morning. I'm glad I got that chapter to my advisor last night, because she'll be home with me til Wednesday at least.

Katie's first conversation

2009-05-03T14:18:00.000-07:00

Katie has been speaking in phrases lately instead of one-word declarative statements. For instance, she'll say things like, "Go away!" complete with hand gestures. One evening, she went into the kitchen where Eric was and a few minutes later, Eric came out laughing. He said she had just chastised him, saying, "No! No! No!" and waving her pointing finger at him.

Today, not only did she walk up to us without the cookie we had just given her, she said, "Fruit bar. All gone." Her hands were up in the air- and I think she had fed that strawberry newton to Lucy.

Then, after pulling the shorts for her pink monkey one of over her shoulders like a purse, she walked into the living room and said, "Bye-bye guys."

I asked where she was going. She said, "Outside."

Hilarious.

Speaking of the flu

2009-04-30T06:14:00.000-07:00

I just came across this definition of pandemic on Dailykos (emphasis mine).

"Get used to the word pandemic. It's not a dirty word, or alarmist, or hype. It's a description of a novel virus that can spread human to human and causes disease. Right now, the disease seems relatively mild outside of Mexico, but all of the above effort is not based on where we are now, it's anticipating where we might be in two weeks or four. Or longer."

As people are trying to figure out whether to disregard concern about this illness, I thought this definition of pandemic puts in perspective why vigilance is necessary. I think the word "novel" most aptly describes this disease and why public health officials are most concerned.

All this comes, of course, after picking up Katie from day care yesterday and one of the teachers kissed her on the cheek (ACK!). This is not the time, I wanted to say. Eric and I are both concerned and he is supposed to tell someone at the center that teachers probably shouldn't be kissing students right now. Ugh.

One more thing, then I have to get to work:
I saw a comment yesterday re: the young child who died in Houston from the swine flu. Yes, the baby was a Mexican national. His parents crossed the border seeking medical attention. The comment (from someone we already knew to be a dipshit in college) said something to the effect of, "Of course the kid was illegal."

Um, no. You know what? Clearly, Said Dipshit has no kids, because you better believe Eric and I (and every other parent, I imagine) would do the exact same thing if our kid was sick. We'd cross the border in a heartbeat- and last I checked, it's not illegal to do so.

Ms. California

2009-04-30T05:45:00.001-07:00

Ugh. That stupid woman is on Today right now- I want to hear about the flu, not what she's trying to "protect."

Texas vs. Iowa, part 2: Hedging for contingency

2009-04-24T12:08:00.000-07:00

The first time I met my Texas OB, I noticed a substantive difference between her and the OB I had in Iowa. Don't get me wrong- I still think the world of Dr. Fick (the doctor in Iowa). I think these differences can be attributed to the setting in which they practice medicine, however: Dr. Fick was a clinical physician at a teaching hospital; Dr. Webster practices OB/GYN, and that's it.

This is what I mean: at one of my first meetings with Dr. Fick, when I was either four or five months along, I asked if there was a chance I could be induced. My reasoning was that I'd have little time to recuperate postpartum because my due date was so close to the beginning of the fall semester; I though I'd only have two weeks if Katie came on time. Dr. Fick, an OB specializing in maternal-fetal medicine (because of my history of cancer, I was placed with her and considered a high-risk pregnancy- freaked me out at first), answered that a lot can happen in five months and that she'd hate to deliver me early and have the baby spend a month on the ventilator. That was the end of that conversation, and we didn't talk about my delivery until my last two appointments. I had questions about epidurals and everything that she answered, but no birth plan (as recommended in the books I was reading- which was fine with me, really). It was truly an appointment-to-appointment experience.

On the other hand, at my first meeting with Dr. Webster here in Texas, she immediately brought up the subject of delivery and the choice between VBAC (vaginal birth after delivery) versus c-section. She even started looking at my scar and talking about where she'd most likely make the incision. Then, Wednesday at my second appointment, she said I was having a "perfect pregnancy."

So the differences might not be clear as I'm describing them, but they have been to me: Dr. Fick was always cautious, Dr. Webster seemingly optimistic and assuming a successful, healthy pregnancy. Again, I have no other complaints with Dr. Fick, but as I said, I attribute this to the fact that Dr. Fick is an academic, and responsible academics avoid speaking in absolutes. This is something I've had to work on personally in my own work and writing; I don't know that UI Hospitals share the postmodern vein that runs through the east side of the university campus- I doubt med students and residents at the UI have to read Richard Rorty, but to avoid absolutes (by saying things like "perfect pregnancy") is to acknowledge the contingency attached to lived experience.

Anything is still possible. I could still miscarry- anything could still happen with this pregnancy. I am nowhere nearly as nervous as I was about the first pregnancy and that may have to do with the ease with which I got pregnant this time. Maybe my body can do something right. I am, however, very nervous about when the baby is here- will I get enough fieldwork done before November? Will I be able to finish my writing in time to defend next summer, at the latest? How will Katie react? For that matter, how will Eric and I react with two kids, considering Katie has been a proverbial cakewalk?

So, to bring this mindless and worthless rambling to a close and get back to working on my first chapter, thinking about the reality of this baby instead of the pregnancy is another distinction between this pregnancy and the first. I look at this, though, as preparing my game face for when it's actually happening, as my way of intellectualizing the experience and working out the logistics- as preparing to be in a living hell and getting our asses kicked when baby #2 arrives. It may be sadistic, but this is my method of survival: it's how I approached breastfeeding, my comprehensive exams and any other challenge. In that case, it's probably the only similarity between Iowa and Texas.

Leave no bear behind! (Katie's latest cuteness)

2009-04-23T20:14:00.000-07:00

A few quick, super cute things Katie's been doing lately before I head to bed:

She's started saying, "You're welcome." She's been saying, "Thank you" for awhile, and sometimes on her own- once she said thanks after we told her how beautiful she was. But now, she'll say it like this,"Thank you, you're welcome." Or, when we give her something, she'll say, "Welcome!"

One day, Eric was in the back of the apartment, Katie and I were in the living room and his phone started to ring. I yelled, "Eric! Your phone's ringing!" Katie joined in, saying, "Papa! Papa!" then, "Eric! Eric! Phone!" She called Eric by name again today when he was on the patio grilling dinner.

We took one of her bears with her to day care for nap time. Eric picks her up every day and evidently she makes sure to grab that bear before heading home. He said he got there one day and she said, "Bear!" immediately. She cannot leave without it.

Finally, she's been wrapping up her stuffed animals in anything she can turn into a blanket for months. Any dish towel, cloth diaper or actual blanket gets wrapped around her animals. But, last night, I noticed she was doing two more things: first, she's picking up her stuffed animal, rocking it (this isn't new- she's been singing Twinkle, Twinkle to her monkey for months), and then saying, "Shh, shh, shh, shh," just like we do when we're trying to get her to go to sleep. And then- the really funny thing- is she's groaning when she picks up her stuffed animal like we do because she's getting so big.

She notices everything and mimics us constantly. It's hilarious and the most adorable thing. When she wants something, she'll even tilt her head and nod "yes" like we do when we're talking to her. She's growing up so fast.

Texas vs. Iowa

2009-04-23T05:58:00.000-07:00

Obviously, we became parents in Iowa, with pediatricians trained at Iowa. I've always heard from Cheryl that different places have different ways of doing medicine, and I'm beginning to notice a few differences between Iowa and Texas...and I don't like it.

First, I've heard from multiple friends here that their newborns get their temperature taken rectally. This NEVER happened in Iowa. This will NOT happen with the new baby. It causes too much discomfort for the infant and I don't know why anyone insists on taking temperatures that way- they can just do the math with the armpit or the ear.

Second, I'm a little uncomfortable with the way some doctors appear not to be distinguishing between healthy weight gain for formula and breastfed babies. They're different; they gain their weight back different...yet it seems like my friends here are coming back to the doctor's office for weight checks more than we ever had to in Iowa. After our one-week check-up, when Katie hadn't regained her birth weight, we came in at three weeks, which is usual. The doctors never seemed concerned about the rate she was gaining- in fact, they went by her demeanor and diaper output more than her weight (which, BTW, can be wrong because sometimes they don't weigh them right). I just think that ultimately, concentrating so much on weight gain so early discourages breastfeeding. I know failure to thrive can indicate serious health problems, but why was it no big deal in Iowa, yet it seems to be emphasized so much here?

Anyways, I'm wondering what other people's experiences are with pediatricians and a new baby. I might be overgeneralizing here, but I'm hearing the same story with different friends. Luckily, this won't be our first rodeo- we'll be more informed with this baby and know more what to expect.

Week 11 update and, the mechanization of parenthood?

2009-04-22T14:47:00.000-07:00

I just got back from my OB appointment. Going to it, I was prepared to come back and complain- I'll get to that in a second.

However, I heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time today- what a beautiful sound. Since it's still pretty early, it took her a little bit, but, sure enough, Dr. Webster found it- nothing puts a smile on your face like the sound of your child. I wept the first couple times I heard Katie's heartbeat because I was such a basketcase with that pregnancy. So far, Dr. Webster says, it's a perfect pregnancy. I'm just happy to know this is ONE area my body doesn't flake out in.

AND THEN I found out I don't have to pay the co-payment every office visit to the OB. In Iowa- and this was the basis of my complaint- we didn't pay for any office visits, regardless if it was a specialist or not, because the insurance was that fabulous. The thought of paying $40 a month for every OB and every endocrinologist visit, both of whom I will be seeing monthly, annoyed the hell out of me. Evidently, this won't be happening at the OB- what a relief!

On an entirely different note: I saw something on TV this morning that has me scratching my head. On one of TLC's baby shows, the parents had some doodad that you held up to a crying baby and it then diagnosed what kind of cry the baby was crying...Seriously? It really becomes obvious what your kid needs after awhile when they cry. That's been our experience, anyways, and if the baby cries from hunger, then the baby's already too hungry anyways. But a machine to tell you what cry it is? Whatever.

Now, if they had this machine for toddlers, that'd be a different story...

It's 7:15 and we're all awake???

2009-04-15T05:16:00.000-07:00

Katie started back to day care today, full-time. With my fellowship and a bit of our savings, we can send her to this place that's right at the Galleria where Eric works. It seemed like it would be expensive and hard to get in, but they had a spot and it's relatively affordable as far as day care goes...I wish that was enough to make me feel alright about it.

Sending Katie to day care this time is much different than it was last year. When we (and by we, I mean I) broke down during the fall semester after Katie was born and decided we MUST put her in day care, balancing full-time school with full-time parenting was killing us academically and personally. Our school schedules just did not relent enough-- I did not turn in one thing on time that semester. I still got the grades I've always gotten, but only because my professors were so understanding and lenient with deadlines. So, the first day we dropped Katie off at Open Arms in Iowa City, I was a little choked up, but I felt good about the place. I was able to work as I needed to, which in turn relieved my stress at home, and I eventually fell in love with her teacher. Then, when we sent her to the Sprout House...that place was wonderful. ALL day cares should be like the Sprout House.

Sending her to the Peanut Gallery today is much different that my day care experience in Iowa. We were under so much immediate pressure and day care relieved us of much of that- and substantial amounts of dollars, too. I've gotten so used to spending all day with Katie, there's no direct pressure to get my dissertation done, and I have a few reservations about the place we're sending her. My dissertation will NEVER get done at the pace I've been going, so sadly, this is absolutely necessary.

Let's just say, then, that it completely wrenched my heart out when, after getting her up early and getting her dressed without our normal snuggle and sippy cup of milk time this morning, I loaded her into the car and said, trying to be excited for her, "You're starting back to school today!" and she got really wide-eyed, really still- her bottom lip popped out...and she began to cry.

When we'd pull into the Sprout House parking lot back in Iowa City, Katie and I would both say, "School!" She'd do her little strut into the house after signing in and washing her hands and peek over the gate to the sweet and happy teachers and her Sprout friends. She was excited to be there and usually sad to go home and stop playing with all their great toys and playground equipment. If they were heading to the playground when we came to pick her up, we'd go run an errand or she'd get really upset to leave so soon. Hopefully it'll be quick, but none of us are back to that point yet.

The track list for Katie's lullabies

2009-04-14T20:11:00.001-07:00

We've played this CD for her every night at least for the past year. I love it and burn it for my friends for their children. Here's the track list:
Lullaby- Sia
Lullaby (Goodnight, my angel)- Billy Joel
Lullaby for Wyatt- Sheryl Crow
Golden slumbers- the Beatles
Across the universe- the Beatles
Something in the way she moves- James Taylor
Sweet baby James- James Taylor
Sunrise- Norah Jones
La Cienega just smiled- Ryan Adams
Grace- U2
Gotta have you- the Weepies
World spins madly on- the Weepies

Also in her CD player (my former stereo) are a CD I got from a friend at my baby shower, John Mayer, one other I can't remember the name of, and probably the coolest gift a student has ever given a teacher: my former student made a mix CD for Katie the semester I was pregnant. I almost wanted to change Katie's middle name to Tupelo- the student included Van Morrison's Tupelo Honey on the CD and other wonderful songs. So good...

Katie's first Easter egg hunt, part II

2009-04-13T07:36:00.001-07:00

Katie's first Easter egg hunt

2009-04-12T19:43:00.000-07:00

Katie's latest

2009-04-09T07:05:00.001-07:00

Bear with me here...

2009-04-08T21:47:00.000-07:00

I just gotta write about this because my back and sides are aching so much right now.

I don't know if it's the nausea meds- although I didn't see this in the side effects- or I just haven't been drinking enough, or what, but I had the most horrendous pregnancy experience to date this afternoon. I'll take the ridiculous gas, the nausea, I'll take bleeding for six weeks postpartum, I'll take it all because constipation- at least of the magnitude this afternoon- is the worst thing EVER. I didn't have it with Katie, except for maybe a little at the end when I wasn't as hydrated. All I know is, Katie was as happy as can be and playing her little heart out around me in the bathroom for an hour (what? I couldn't let her play in the rest of the apartment unsupervised and out of my line of sight for that long).

So, what do I take from this? Benefiber will be my friend, I will drink plenty of fluids, and, because this pain is similar, though not the same, as the pain I felt the day after Katie was born and I pushed for three hours before the c-section, I don't think I'll attempt that VBAC. No, I think I'll just go under the knife...

Lots of good news from Iowa

2009-04-03T13:04:00.001-07:00

Two bits of good news from my former residence:

First, and most important in the grander scheme of things, those of us who support marriage equality- and the end to oppression based on race, gender, class, sexuality, etc.- are thrilled that the Iowa Supreme Court ruled the ban against gay marriage in the state unconstitutional. Needless to say, the rather liberal contingent of Iowa students and alum that I am in contact with are so excited that Iowa came through with this...This path to equality for all is one more attribute of the hope we see embodied by the Obama administration, although this ruling cannot be directly attributed to his presidency. It can be seen, I would argue, as a larger indication of the direction this country may still yet go and its ripening potential for a true appreciation and respect for the rights and dignity of all people.

Second, I got a rockin' fellowship for next year. I'll get paid to write my dissertation- SWEET!!!

Saying "When." Or is it "win?"

2009-04-02T09:22:00.000-07:00

Last week, the OB offered nausea meds. I passed on it. I didn't have this option with Katie- last time, I met my OB at week 16 after the nausea had passed. I almost can't function between this and the fatigue, and I'm convinced the fatigue is largely from not sleeping well at night. So, if I can knock one of these things out, I can starting knocking out my dissertation. I hope...

What really sucks is, the smell of coffee is atrocious right now. Every time I open the cabinet with my coffee beans or my grinder, my stomach turns. Same goes for stepping in Starbucks.

Oh gosh

2009-04-01T18:01:00.001-07:00

Watching the Green Mile. So good!

About breastfeeding, again

2009-04-01T08:18:00.000-07:00

Another blog I check intermittently is mothertalkers, which is associated to the granddaddy (for me, at least) of them all, dailykos. A number of diaries on mothertalkers were responding to that Atlantic Monthly article that was the subject of the jezebel post that was the subject of my post...But anyways,here's a really good response on mothertalkers to that Atlantic Monthly piece.

Latest pictures

2009-03-30T13:40:00.000-07:00

They're not the newest, but...

Connecting the dots

2009-03-30T12:53:00.000-07:00

In case a certain someone decides to over and look from facebook, why Don Imus is NOT OKAY.

Our little lima bean

2009-03-28T13:01:00.001-07:00

We're right on schedule

2009-03-25T13:41:00.000-07:00

I had my first OB appointment today and came back with a swag bag full of vitamin samples and some "first trimester gift" that I haven't checked out yet. But, according to the sonogram (um, the "internal" sonogram), we're exactly where we thought: 7 weeks, four days. My expected due date: November 7-ish.

The OB is super nice and upbeat- a basset hound owner to boot. Unlike the clinic at the UI hospitals, this one's nice and quiet- I guess that's what happens at a private practice, though. Since I delivered by c-section with Katie, it'll be my choice more or less, although there are some risks trying to deliver vaginally this time. Truthfully, I'm leaning towards a c-section. My labor was long with Katie and I don't care to push for hours and then be in the worst pain of my life, only from pushing. We'll see, though. And apparently, I'll be delivering at a really good hospital, Presbyterian Plano, or Plano Presbyterian...one or the other.

About that sonogram: I'll get it scanned and posted. They were able to zoom in much closer than the Katie's first sonogram. We saw the heart beat, and Katie kept saying, "Heart? Heart?" She doesn't like the doctor's office too much, even if it's a visit for myself.

So, here's finger's crossed that things keep going smoothly. The nausea has definitely kicked it up a notch, the fatigue absolutely sucks, but that all points to a healthy pregnancy. I couldn't ask for more than that...okay, and a healthy baby end of October-ish, too.

I forgot how good this was

2009-03-23T19:58:00.001-07:00

I was browsing blogs and found a link to the last 9 minutes of Six Feet Under.
This is what spawned my Sia kick last night.

Katie's brilliance

2009-03-23T19:30:00.001-07:00

Katie is beginning to make connections that completely amaze us.

We sing Twinkle, twinkle little star "with" her to her monkey every night to before bed. The other day, she found this toy she hasn't played with in forever that plays twinkle, twinkle if you press it's tummy. I was on the phone when she found it, and to keep her happy, kept pressing the tummy so she could hear it. That wasn't enough, apparently; she got frustrated and started yelling, "winkle, winkle!" So I sang it to her, and she calmed down. Only later did I realize she had made the connection between the song we sing every night and nap time with the music on the toy.

Then, tonight, Eric was changing Katie's diaper in the other room. I was in the living room and that Visa commercial that plays the Moody Blues' song, "Tuesday Afternoon" to the images of all the fish and the aquarium came on. I heard Katie in the other room saying something, but Eric and I realized when they came back into the living room, that she had been saying, "Fish! Fish" (or, "ish! ish!" in her words) because she heard the commercial in the other room. We watch it during the day and she's always so excited to see all the fish...and she recognized what commercial was on by the music playing in the other room. Eric said she was almost frantic to get in the living room to see it.

On a sidenote, Katie's been fascinated by her belly button lately (FYI: it's an outie). She shows it off at the store, which has made for a few awkward moments when she pulls her dress up. But she wants to see our belly buttons, too, and today, she kept pointing at my belly button and then to my tummy below it, saying, "Baby." Hmm. ???

How I'm feeling

2009-03-21T18:10:00.000-07:00

There are stretches of the day when I am just so incredibly tired, and when I am ready for bed, I am ready for bed. It's like the times of the day that I've always been a little sleepy, right now, just knock me on my ass. Most nights, I haven't slept too well from achy sides or just tossing and turning, but thankfully, Katie doesn't wake up til 9 so I can at least stay in bed relaxing. I get really weepy at the slightest thing on tv- I saw a snippet of Band of Brothers today and was choked up the entire time. The nausea is still largely under control as long as I'm not too hungry. There have been a few moments, though, when I'm not sure I'm going to hang on to my cookies...

Beyond that, Dallas is making me a little stir crazy. I think it's a mixture of living in an apartment in Plano. We get out regularly, but this area is as old as me and rather unfulfilling. There's not much to relate to around here- no cool little bohemian-ish areas or soothing college campuses that I can get to easily. Mall walking has gotten really, really old.

When I'm in OKC/Norman, though, I do miss Eric. Maybe this edginess will subside if we find our own house (got a nice check in the mail today from the bank with our escrow funds...).

And, a bit of panic has started to set in, due to the warnings about how much work two small kids can be. I'm grateful, for sure, for the reality check, but the list of things that must be done before I can't leave Dallas for awhile is so substantial, I'm almost crippled by it. I just need to get organized and focused and just get it done...but that's always the hard part. I was talking to my master's advisor the other day about all this and as usual, she put my dissertation in perspective.

"Are you trying to make it perfect?" She asked, which made me realize, as much as I'd like my dissertation to be this beautiful work of art and beautifully conceptualized and designed, the old saying goes, a good dissertation is a done dissertation. Instead, my goal is now is that my project will be solid (so far, it is). I'll write it and focus on artfullness later. The flourishes, bells and whistles can come during tenure.

In the meantime, I need to get at least one, if not two conference papers out by the deadline, April 1. One's partly written, the other's an extended outline. The problem? I'm writing this paper outside of any class or professor feedback and that whole self-initiative thing is a muscle I haven't had to cultivate...yet. I'm not sure what I'm doing, or if the paper is organized in a way that makes sense...it's good practice for tenure when this will be the means to my livelhood.

Are you kidding me?!?!?!

2009-03-16T12:09:00.001-07:00

Of course, a story questioning breastfeeding is written by a man. Ack!

(big breath in, big breath out)

Typical OU:

2009-03-16T10:12:00.000-07:00

Books missing from Bizzell, although they're not checked out.

One teeny, tiny shelf in the library on feminist media studies.

Massive Ford Expeditions in the narrow Union parking garage unable to clear the corners- complete with "OU Mom" sticker in the back window.

That other shoe may be dropping

2009-03-14T13:23:00.001-07:00

The past two weeks have been relatively painless: passing nausea, no fatigue.

With Katie, the nausea didn't hit til week six...and that would be today. Wouldn't you know it, I'm not feeling so hot today. When I ate this morning, I felt better and I even got a nap since Mom's here. But when I woke up, I still felt exhausted and my lunch was not appetizing at all.

Like Steph and I said this morning, though, at least it means I'm pregnant. I can't complain about that whatsoever. Looks like my ovary is still a little superstar...so far. :)

How timely! I'm writing a paper about WBC...

2009-03-12T20:37:00.000-07:00

Probably the only time I've ever thought frat boys were cool.

About breastfeeding

2009-03-12T12:03:00.000-07:00

Interesting post here on the issue.

My thoughts: one thing that gets me about the posts on jezebel re: breastfeeding are the comments about breastfeeding nazis. I nursed Katie and I think nursing mothers have this one in the bag when it comes to being made to feel uncomfortable about their choice in infant-feeding.

An example: no mother who feeds her child a bottle ever has to cover up. No parent who feeds their child for any period of time is ever made to feel as if they might in some way be sexually abusing their baby when they feed with a bottle. Bottle-feeding is never seen as erotic or inappropriate. Yet, a nursing mother has to go in hiding basically to feed her child.

I think, one, the bottle-feeding medical paradigm still so strongly permeates our culture that folks have a tough time accepting that nursing is actually the way things were intended between mother and child. Formula is a great medical intervention when a mother cannot nurse- and I accept that some women cannot nurse- but I would argue that people doubt the overwhelming benefits of breastmilk because it has been intrenched in us to doubt the worthiness anything a woman's body does. And yes, this pertains to value placed on pregnancy and childbearing in this country.

More to the point, maybe we remember reading about wet nurses back in English lit, but women of means did not nurse themselves up until very recently when it is now upper-class women who are most likely to nurse. Back in the day, women from the lower classes were paid to nurse rich people's children because breastfeeding was seen as primitive. This myth persists; as one former student said, one of his cousins told his sister when she said she was breastfeeding: "You're not a cat!"

When making the decision to breastfeed, I made sure to look at it as a challenge and something I had to figure out and work on. If it didn't work, if Katie didn't learn to latch on, I'd quit. But I had more than one meltdown worrying if she was getting enough to eat.

I think that's the thing: mothers want what's best for their kids and I think no mother ever decides not to nurse her kid because breastfeeding isn't healthy...or at least, I don't think they do. But I think the breast itself is just so fraught with sexual connotation in our culture, that it disguises the value- and really, the absolute joy- that breastfeeding can be if people just calm down and take it easy. (not to mention, IT'S FREE!).

On a sidenote, my biggest plug for nursing is that in that 8 eight weeks before Katie started to really respond to us with smiles and laughs, nursing her was the most gratifying thing about motherhood. If she was upset, she'd nuzzle my chest and nursing would calm her down instantly. But that was me, and I want to respect the choices of other mothers who do not nurse. I just wish those who don't even consider nursing would give it try.

...and I will nurse the next baby. There, the cat's out of the bag. We're expecting again (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Sorting through some things

2009-03-08T21:21:00.000-07:00

I'm in a unique situation: one of my former mentors from my master's program (who is no longer at OU) put one of his master's students in contact with me for some feedback. She had been accepted in the PhD program at Iowa, and later I come to find out, the new doc program at OU.

At the conference this weekend, some of the profs and staff at OU were encouraging me to encourage this woman to go to OU. She's getting a good funding package (better than Iowa, for sure) and in many ways, I think Norman is the better community for her given that she doesn't do the night life thing that's such a strong suit of IC.

Here's what I realized though: like I already posted today, I absolutely love OU. I love the campus and walking through it. It's an amazing place for me and I have so many wonderful memories there. But perhaps I know too much about it, because although my heart is in Norman, intellectually, I'm at Iowa. I can't deny it.

I don't ever remember hearing about as many interdisciplinary interactions at OU as there were at Iowa. The scholarly environment just seemed so much more rigorous and tangible. I might just get really bored at the inanity of the social scientific-ness that I experienced at OU (I really think that shit is so lame and superficial, despite all the statistical acrobatics they accomplish). Not to mention, the profs at the j-school at OU all go by "Doctor So-and-so" by their doctoral students....that tells you just a little about the atmosphere. There was none of that formality at Iowa. As one of my professors said, doctorals students are looked at as junior colleagues, and if my department was a little dysfunctional, at least the dysfunction between the profs trickled down intact to us.

I have some space from Iowa to see the forest for the trees and to recognize the negativity of a few individuals that really, really weighted me down- for no good reason. Unfortunately, I did not have enough resources in the form of friends physically in the state of Iowa to rely on to help me rise above the fray. With that in mind, I think I can see better now that Iowa is giving me precisely what I came for: a fantastic education. Iowa, as a whole, did this, not just one department.

On the other hand, I don't think the j-school is the shining spot at OU. I think those folks are over in Gittinger and Kaufman Halls and that the geniuses in Gaylord just aren't allowed to shine on their own right. I think about how little I knew when I left OU. What I did know and what prepared me for Iowa were, no surprises, Iowa grads.

So, I will always be at peace when walking between Bizzell and Evans Hall, or looking at the library as we walk down the middle of the South Oval. But it's no surprise that my stomach turned when the current dean at OU got up to talk...it just wasn't right and it certainly wasn't the best.

Norman just does this to me

2009-03-08T09:05:00.001-07:00

I love OU. I love this campus. It's one of my favorite places in the world. Our kids will know this place, even if they don't go here. I've instructed Eric to make sure Katie knows and understands sports so she's not a total dope at OU football games like me.

BUT: I'm in the Starbucks on campus corner right now. I'm pretty sure OU Men's basketball star Blake Griffin was in line in front of me when I got here. The kid has TWO blackberries. Is it normal for college students or student athletes specifically to have two blackberries?

OU has taught me to expect the worst re: university athletics. The AD here is a bona fide crook (just ask the folks at Mizzou), and it's like the athletic culture here just can't get it through their heads that the NCAA doesn't fuck around. The empire they've built has been on the backs of their ticketholders, those of us who love OU regardless, and those of us who forked over cash to get an education here. I see bent rules as a slap in the face for all of us who have supported this school and this program.

My suspicion? Two blackberries= one phone freed up for scouts to call. Isn't this illegal? And couldn't OU get into some serious trouble-- AGAIN-- if it's true? This reminds me of seeing Hollis Price cruise around town in an Audi Speedster a few years ago. WTF?

Cutest little pigtail you've ever seen (she's getting so big!)

2009-03-06T10:34:00.001-08:00

Parental philosophies and avoiding white flight

2009-03-06T05:48:00.000-08:00

One thing that gets me on edge immediately (Eric will tell you, many things do this, but that's not the point) is people who are oblivious to the fact that other people have different lives from them. The biggest example of this is folks who seem unaware, or at least unwilling to consider, that others aren't as well off as they are.

Call this my class-consciousness. It kinda brings me back to the days I waited tables and (mostly women) would calculate down to the penny how much each person owed on the tab. If you're friends, why squabble over pennies? More importantly, why make a big deal about money, when other people around you make much less than you do??

This is not to say Eric and I have ever wanted for anything; our parents, thankfully, have made sure of that and we literally would have nothing without them. I really need to emphasize that point. But I know the limits of our little budget and let's just say, there's no exotic trips to far-off lands any time soon. In fact, our vacations since 2005 have consisted of trips home to Oklahoma...and that's pretty much it.

My point here is to say, then, that I don't want Katie to grow up unaware and insensitive to the situation of others. Income differences are rather minor, really, but from an academic perspective, I guess this is me wanting to transfer my consciousness of my positionality to my daughter and any other children we have. It is just so vitally important to be aware of other people and our differences from each other in order to try and understand and to make the world better.

I hadn't really thought of any of this until some teacher friends who are having kids or going to have kids soon mentioned the school districts they live in. Given our nomadic lifestyle, Eric and I hadn't really thought about picking a home due to the schools. Now, we probably should because there is a chance we'll be in Dallas for awhile.

Here's my concern: if we lived in North Dallas/Plano and the surrounding areas, Katie would go to some fabulous schools...that are largely white and affluent. Yes, I have a problem with that. We'll never, ever, ever be as well-off as some folks in Plano, but I do not want Katie to be in that atmosphere and grow up thinking everyone is comfortable in their whiteness like her. But, if we land in Dallas ISD...well, that's another situation. And the plethora of private schools around here? Sorry, but I don't want my child going to any school that has no responsibility to state curriculum requirements (that are there for a reason).

I'm determined to resist the white flight. In our conversations about this, Eric and I have decided that it's our responsibility to augment her education and to be that much more involved in the event that she does end up in a weak school district. He was a teacher, he knows the ins and outs and how to make things work in a under-resourced environment and I'm pretty sure that Dallas isn't stocked full of shitty teachers. If my education and training have taught me anything, it's that the (education) system that, in this case, under-supports some while helping others that is the problem. And like any other system, we can work in and against it to make it better.

one little thing

2009-03-05T19:28:00.001-08:00

Going to a conference at OU this weekend. Considering I graduated from the college that is hosting this little gathering, you'd think they could spell my name right in the stupid program. I swear...

Cooperative breeding?

2009-03-03T15:48:00.001-08:00

It's not what you think- it's much cooler!

"The Markets" (scare quotes used deliberately)

2009-03-03T15:10:00.000-08:00

You know what I hate about "the markets"? I hate that they're invoked as if it's not a group of people without an investment in something. WHO CARES (other than the lucky who have stock investments...which obviously, I am not well-off enough to have) if the stock markets react negatively to an announcement from President Obama. In my mind, that tells me he's correcting "the markets."

Free market theory, be damned. Seriously. "The Markets" do not comprise rational people or entities working in the best interest of everyone else- they work with their own self-interest in mind and they don't give a shit about what happens to non-shareholders. So enough about "the markets."

An interesting case for marriage equality, regardless of sexuality

2009-03-01T19:45:00.000-08:00

http://www.afterellen.com/blog/juliamiranda/annie-leibovitz-is-in-a-jam

I never put it together that Susan Sontag and Annie Leibovitz were partners, but what Leibovitz is going through is astounding. Yet, it's representative of what gay people endure in this country; in this case, it's happening to an amazing artist.

Tell me again how people cannot see the denial of marriage equality as legalized discrimination?

A related sidenote: some friends of ours have been more vocal than usual lately about their support of the whole "one man one woman" crap. Considering that we were all in band for a large part of our lives and, as a result, know so many people who are gay, I'm just a little dumbfounded that their hearts are still so hard. How does it feel to regard your "friend" as deviant? How do you sleep at night knowing that you tell someone they're your friend, and yet support discrimination against them? I just don't get it. And, of course, they're "Christian." Whatev.

Quick update

2009-02-28T17:41:00.000-08:00

Twelve things Katie is startlingly good at these days:
1. Throwing things.
2. Throwing things far.
3. Running.
4. Screaming at an ear-splittingly-high pitch.
5. Saying, "Meow."
6. Parroting the last words in our sentences.
7. Remembering things- where we put them, where things go, and where they're at.
8. Pulling off the old bait-and-switch. This usually involves asking us for milk and then running away when we go to get it.
9. Snapping things shut.
10. Getting her fingers caught when doing #9.
11. Feeding herself --> like when she shoveled the corn in her mouth at Babe's last weekend.
12. Singing songs! She sorta knows the words to "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star."

Surely Foucault would have something to say about this...

2009-02-28T14:02:00.000-08:00

Turns out, the porn-lover award goes to....conservatives!!!
http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn16680-porn-in-the-usa-conservatives-are-biggest-consumers.html?DCMP=OTC-rss&nsref=online-news

And yeah, I think this is funny AND one more example of conservative hypocrisy.

We got a badass for president....seriously!

2009-02-28T09:51:00.000-08:00

Obama's address on his proposed budget.

The house is sold...

2009-02-26T10:17:00.001-08:00

We no longer own property. This is good- we only had to pay to live in two places for one month. On the other hand, it means someone else gets to enjoy our great little house. That makes me a little sad.

I was in the shower this morning, with Katie cooped up in her pack'n'play in the other room, when our wonderful realtor called to tell me the closing went off smoothly and we no longer owned a home. He told me how happy and excited the new owners were about the house and I told him we should have said something in the disclosure form about the annoying neighbor (Jackie). Turns out, during our super-busy open house, Jackie came over (can I just say that I'm more than bitter about the fact that they saw us loading up the truck- her husband was clearing snow- and didn't even say goodbye, much less help out?) and made a point to say that she couldn't smell the pet smell in the basement. This, as our house was crawling with potential buyers. So I told Barry about the time she remarked about the pet smell in our house when we had been gone for three days in the hospital after Katie was born. That woman drove me up the wall...You know why we kept our dogs indoors? Because our stupid neighbors complained any timed they barked. Barry said he responded to her by saying he didn't know what she was talking about re: the pet smell. Yay, Barry!

But as our conversation moved to discussion of our proceeds check, sure enough, my phone just died. It definitely made the case for a landline. I eventually got to talk to Barry again- he really does amazing work- but, our house is sold. We definitely urge anyone to use him. We wish we could use him in Texas, and it turns out he can refer us to some of his contacts down here and get a referral fee. He deserves it, so we'll definitely be in touch.

Absolutely heartbreaking

2009-02-25T18:20:00.001-08:00

This is something straight out of a British novel from the 18th century. Absolutely breaks my heart:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/26/world/europe/26ivan.html?hp
I'm tearing up in Starbucks over this...

Katie's latest stats

2009-02-13T12:00:00.000-08:00

We had an appointment with Katie's new pediatrician this morning for her 18 month well-baby check-up. She got one shot- which is good, because she won't have to get any at her two-year check-up this summer. But she's 32 inches tall and weighs 22 pounds. After talking to the doctor about how picky she is with eating, the doctor reassured us it's normal and that her weight is just fine. Her percentile rankings are just fine. Oh, and she still has a big head. But that's nothing new :)

On another note, it seems we've established really good sleeping habits because it's actually really fun putting her down to sleep. Even at nap time, I'll say it's nye-nye time, and she trots right into her room where we make sure both her weebwies (that is, her blankets) are in the crib as well as any of her stuffed animals. Right now, she's napping with I think four stuffed animals- two bears and both frogs (one's name is Tom, by the way). Bedtime goes the same way: Eric announces it's time to put Tom to bed and she trots right to her crib. Even if she doesn't fall asleep right away, we hear her in there talking and playing until she nods off. It's definitely one of those heartachingly cute moments.

Good luck!

2009-02-11T07:38:00.000-08:00

UE Local 896 COGS, my union while a TA at Iowa, has their final day of contract negotiations. I wish them luck, because I remember from experience- this one's tough.

Get us a good contract- good luck, guys.

A double "Yay!"

2009-02-09T17:50:00.000-08:00

Two little tidbits: Yay! for Tiger Woods. His second child was born. And, Yay! Helen Thomas was at the press conference tonight. She rocks!

In other news...

2009-02-08T17:05:00.000-08:00

My favorite bar/buffalo wing joint in the whole world is closed indefinitely. I heard through my friend Emily, and then through family, that it was closed due to structural something-or-others.

Besides my personal reasons for being sad it's closed (we ALWAYS went there- this place is my all-time favorite place to go in Norman), my heart goes out to the folks finding themselves suddenly unemployed.

Let's hope they get the building remediated (or whatever it's called) and everyone back to work, SOON.

In cased you missed it Saturday night...

2009-02-08T08:20:00.001-08:00

Video Recaps | Full Episodes | Webisodes

a moment for rhyme

2009-02-05T12:49:00.001-08:00

don't know what I'm gonna do
now that everyone's having #2
...but me.

More window antics

2009-02-05T12:44:00.001-08:00

You can still see her shiner a little from when she fell on her face last Friday.

Looking out her "no"

2009-02-05T12:36:00.000-08:00

Said in a certain tone, "no" is Katie-speak for window. This is the window in her bedroom, and how she looks outside while in her crib. I tried to get a picture of her looking out when she woke up from her nap just now, but she started crying after I left her room. So, the window and parted curtain will have to do.

Narcissism, facebook, and talking shit

2009-02-04T20:47:00.000-08:00

There's this crazy-addictive forward going around facebook called, "25 random things." I posted mine- like I said, it's crazy addictive. Anyways, everyone's posting one (you list 25 random things about yourself), and out of nowhere, a new not-friend (he's not a friend in the sense that I have never personally met him, but he is a friend of friends (some of whom may qualify as not-friends, too), and Eric knows him; he's even older than Eric), posted some shit when he posted his 25 random things. *wow- I just used parentheses in parentheses. That can't be right.

Here's my thoughts before I go to bed early (that being, before midnight): this whole 25 things is a practice in narcissism- I broadcast things I want you to know about me...it's all about me (or, you, I guess, whoever is filling it out and publishing it...like I did). So I figure there's some repressed need, or that a psychoanalyst would have something interesting to say about what it is exactly that we post on these 25 random things- what do we identify that we want people to know? And what do those 25 things tell us about that person? And I should really turn this into a paper, now that I think about it...

So, this person, a certain Mr. Eric Dionne Baker, and I had a cyber run-in pre-President Obama about reproductive rights. Perhaps anyone reading this might remember these exchanges. It was heated- to say the least. Our mutual friend (actual friend, not not-friend) mentioned my blog to Mr. Baker, who then posted responses. Fine.

But here's one excerpt from his 25 things:
"15. If I had the time, I would love to *really* connect with each of my facebook friends, I love the personal interactions we get to have and not just the cattle-call announcements!!"

Before that, however, he writes this:
"9. I enjoy debating pro-choice people, especially on their blogs. The problem with this hobby though is that when they run out of arguments, they usually cuss you out and walk away. And really, regardless of who delivers it, nobody likes to be cussed out, right?"

His point is, of course, that I ran out of arguments and turned instead to cussing him out and walking away. Consider this me, walking away:

First, reproductive rights is one of many important political issues- though it should not be the ONLY issue and furthermore, it should not be an issue at all. You should not have control over my body. Period.

Second, unlike the crazy fundamentalists out there, I do not believe that marriage between people of the same gender or the choices people make about their reproduction is any of my business. I do not think it is the end of the world, nor is it the sign of the end-times if two people commit themselves to each other in whatever way they see fit, regardless if they have identical peepees or not. These choices DO NOT affect me or my ability to conduct my life in any way. They do not hinder my ability to make a living, to raise my child- it doesn't even block traffic on the road. Nor do I find any pleasure in concocting legislation that discriminates against friends and people I care about.

With a music background, I imagine that Mr. Baker, too, knows a few gay folks, and probably a few that have had to make a choice re: whether or not to have a baby. I'm glad he can sleep at night knowing he condones prejudice against them or stripping any of their rights, or declaring their lives deviant and pathological.

However, if I find there is something else to talk about, if I've run out of insults to hurl at the anti-intellectual crazies out there, forgive me for having something else to do. Sadly, the hurt that this narrow-minded belief system inflicts upon the world spreads beyond these two issues that should not be issues at all- yet, they are issues- and direct my work and concentration elsewhere. I've said what needs to be said. If it needs to be said some other way by some one else, I have a few links on the side over there that might enlighten you further- if not repetitively- about my view point.

But, don't go pushing buttons if you don't want a response. Don't be an ass and expect a pat on the back. In other words, don't fucking patronize me and expect me to giggle and capitulate. Because you don't know me, and clearly, you don't get my point.

I think that is the point, though. Back to the psychoanalysis: apparently, Mr. Baker's a stand-up guy. I've never actually met him and must take people's word for it. But, I ask, what does he want- what does it mean- that he pushed this button again? Am I the only pro-choice person he knows? Am I that significant that he's gotta talk shit again, when this is so in the past, it's that much more annoying to be reminded the exchange happened? That of all the random things he could post, this is the shit that caught his attention?

So, without being too provocative because there is certainly more I could say here, I ask the same question I asked my students, and that I encouraged them to ask of anything: what does this mean?

Something to think about re: the stimulus plan

2009-02-02T21:42:00.000-08:00

http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/archives/2009/02/adding_it_up.php

and

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2009/2/2/161121/9856/451/692120

I've been thinking the past few days that we hear lots and lots of Republican points of view on the proposed stimulus plan, and very, very little from the Democrats. I'd really like anyone to try and pull a "liberal media" these days. It was already a line of crap.

No, really. The media are not liberal. I'll find a link for that, too.

Lest we forget

2009-01-29T21:23:00.000-08:00

http://www.thenation.com/doc/20090202/williams?rel=hp_columns

This is why we do it

2009-01-29T17:27:00.000-08:00

And this is why I love President Obama:

http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2009/1/29/131620/134/34/690503

I still get emotional ANY time I hear or read about our president's inauguration or his speeches or his accomplishments. This story REALLY gets me. This is amazing stuff.

Let's see what I can do today

2009-01-27T08:34:00.000-08:00

I'm at home with Katie- my full-time job these days- and, true to form, can get nothing academic done in the meantime. We had fallen into the routine where in the morning, Katie was extremely sensitive and clingy and I could not put her down and after her nap, she was perfectly fine to run around the apartment, freeing me up to...clean and start dinner. Thank goodness, she's in a fantastic mood this morning so I'll see how much I can write before she demands my attention.

I started writing a response to a message someone forwarded me the other day, and as I wrote, I just got worn out. The message was a forward one of Eric's former students received and knew would get me fired up- this woman kicks ass on her own, and her handling of the situation was great. But, essentially, the message she received was every wing-nut's laundry list of lies about our President, Barack Obama. Tristianne, if you check this, Eric and I thought of something: she stated that President Obama renounced his citizenship and moved to India. Well, assuming she meant Indonesia, does she even know that he moved there when he was two years-old? Tell me, how the hell does a two year-old renounce his citizenship???

Okay, onto the next thing. We're waiting to receive our driver's licenses in the mail. Getting them was an absolute fiasco. God bless him, but Eric put so much time and effort into figuring out what all was needed for us to be street-legal in the state of Texas. And it was a multi-step process. The cars had to be inspected ($40 a pop, every year) in order to be registered in order for us to get our licenses. And in order for us to get our driver's licenses, we had to have VERY specific forms of primary identification- our Iowa licenses would not do by themselves.

This is when I realized that, for a state which seems to embrace free market principles (i.e., the deregulation of utilities, for instance, so that we can "choose" our electric company...although the carrier is really only one company) and local rule so entrenched in Southern politics, they sure do know how to erect bureaucracies. And of course, the protocol to receive a driver's license was only recently implemented (in October, I believe) to- you guessed it!- hinder so-called "illegal aliens" from getting driver's licenses.

That's my dissertation topic, so I'll save that rant for my committee at school. But, you know how in Oklahoma, we can go to any tag agency and you're in and out in 15 minutes with a license? In Iowa, there was a government office you went to, but it was quick and painless and you walked with your license. Not so in Texas. First, they only have one office per county here (although I may be wrong on this and I guess there are some satellite locations). But upon arrival, you stand in line to have some lady look over your papers to make sure you have the right documentation for your business that day. Then you take a number, to wait, again, to go stand in a line, again, to be summoned to a counter to get asked a series of questions and an eye exam by workers who have no clue what they're doing (Eric can tell you more about this one), to pay another $24 per license, to wait up to 30 days to receive your license. So we have slips of "official" paper as stand-ins while we wait for the licenses to come in the mail.

But here's what really got me bothered: remember, they channel every license request in the county more or less through this one office, so teen-agers are getting their permits and licenses in the same place as those of us who are seasoned drivers. But this is one of the most diverse places I've ever lived and keeping in mind that the new requirements for getting a license are supposedly to deter "illegals," in that very first line you have to stand in, a state trooper- or maybe he's a trooper who's only job is to administer driving tests to 16 year-old- stands over everyone, in uniform and with his gun, asking them as they near the front of the line, "What's your business here today?"

I think this is intimidation, personally. After I had noticed what was going on, I had already copped an attitude. The office is filled with people who are not white, and although he was asking everybody their business and then looking over their papers (before some grumpy old lady did), I cannot see the necessity in this other than to freak some people out and make them nervous. Someone might say, if you aren't doing anything wrong, you have nothing to be nervous about, but that's simply not true. If you're not white in this country, you have no reason to believe you won't be targeted or singled out even if you're minding your own business. So it really, really bothered me that these tall men (is there a height requirement for state troopers???) were lurking about with their guns and peering over people's shoulders. If that's not the increased militarization characteristic of advanced capitalism, I don't know what is.

On an entirely different note: I didn't quite get away with writing this without Katie noticing I wasn't paying attention strictly to her. She climbed into her high chair (she does that these days) and so I gave her paper and crayons. I drew some shapes, and she could identify the heart, the star, the circle, the square and the triangle. How about that, eh?? She's a freakin' genius.

House update

2009-01-24T08:52:00.000-08:00

GOOD NEWS! Once our realtor's company email is back up and he gets documents to us, we will have a contract on our house! We received an amazing offer, one we couldn't refuse, per se. Our asking price: $92, 500. Their offer: $95, 500, with up to $3,000 back at closing. So a full-price offer. Sweet!

Keep your fingers crossed that all goes well and the buyer's funding doesn't fall through...

Props to our realtor- he's done an AMAZING job. I want to post the link to our house on the Skogman site, but since it's down, I'll do that later.

Update:
Here's the link to our adorable house:
http://www.skogman.com/details.asp?mls=2900028

Katie's first haircut, and the obligatory upset toddler shot

2009-01-22T10:48:00.000-08:00

My beautiful Katie

2009-01-18T18:48:00.001-08:00

poor internet connection, so just a few pictures.

I'm back

2009-01-18T09:23:00.000-08:00

There have been little events, and BIG ones, the past few weeks I've needed to write about but just didn't. So, here I am. Let's see what I can get down in 20 minutes before lunch.

1. The Move.

The Move deserves to be capitalized and memorialized for all time. Our Move from Iowa to Texas was truly horrendous. No kidding. Iowa gave us a big "Fuck you!" as we made our exit. Eric and I were much busier with school and loose ends finals week than we had anticipated and so the mad dash was exactly that- a mad, freakin' dash to get the hell out. Of course, two episodes of snow that last week in addition to temperatures below zero- way, way, below zero- only made it so much worse. And hey, did you know that diesel fuel gels and renders moving trucks inoperable in such temperatures? Neither did we. Eric and I caravanned with my in-laws out of Iowa when we could finally vacate the house, and I will forever remember driving through Iowa and Missouri that Sunday afternoon, alone with Katie, thinking just how dangerous it was if we were to break down in the middle of nowhere, knowing my mom would totally freak out when she got the message that we had FINALLY left Cedar Rapids at 3:45, and there was ice ON THE INSIDE OF MY CAR WINDOWS the entire way to Emporia, Kansas. That's how cold it was.

But, I must give thanks where thanks is due:
Regina- for embarking upon, like I said, was similar to a mission trip in a developing country and helping us pack. And letting us know just how what you thought about it, the entire time.

My in-laws- thank you for driving up to help, for watching Katie and working on all those things that needed to be fixed that we couldn't quite get to on our own.

Our realtor, Barry Frink- Thank you for re-finishing our hardwood floors. I hope it makes you some money. More importantly, I hope it makes us some money. Please sell our house. Quick.

Rob- one of my favorite people in Iowa. You let us sleep at your place when our mattresses were freezing in the moving truck. You came through in a pinch, despite all the attitude I gave you the past three years. You also let me veg out on your sofa and watch cable television. And yes, IFC does have lots of nudity late at night. I kept on flipping threw it- I can imagine you don't. ;)

Mom- Thank you for letting me gripe and complain when I was completely overwhelmed. I know you wanted to be there to help and if you had, it would have gotten knocked out that much quicker due to your superhuman powers. I'm glad we're closer to one another now.

Our fearless, if not crazy and half-drunk packing crew that Friday- we're still finding stray screws, nuts and bolts in various places and boxes or trying to locate those various places and boxes in which you placed those stray screws, nuts, and bolts, but thanks for venturing out into the weather and helping us pack and load our shit.

Dr. Fay Botham- you let me turn in a paper after deadline and shorter than expected. And then gave me a good grade. I will miss our class, but you'll be hearing from me as I expand that paper and write that one I emailed you about re: the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka and Rev. Jeremiah Wright because the abstract was accepted at a conference. Oh, and I think of you and Sarah Dees every time I see a billboard around here that condemns me to hell or reminds me that abortion stops a beating heart. Um...yeah. (Hopefully you'll get that joke because I think some folks wouldn't)

2. Life in the land of the Lexus

The other day, Eric remarked that he thinks people in Dallas skip over buying a house and just get the Lexus. These cars are EVERYWHERE here in Dallas, particularly in our apartment complex. This reveals, of course, our preference for buying a house and then getting a new car (which will really only be needed if and when we have another kid). The Lexus is to Dallas as the Subaru is to Iowa City. And we don't live in a totally swank apartment complex, but it's not a shithole. After living in our own, albeit modest house for six years, it was unconscionable to rent an apartment that looked like the cabinets were about to fall off the wall and it only had two bedrooms. We're in a cool location with about 100 restaurants and twelve high-end shopping malls within a three-mile radius.

This was the moment the move truly sunk in: I was driving around one Saturday afternoon by myself, looking for a particular crunchy-granola-type grocery store and instead came across the Plano Whole Foods. I've never been in one, so I decided to check it out (checking out grocery stories has been a big part my adventures with Katie the past two weeks).

I think I made it to the cheese area of Whole Foods when I got a little emotional. I wasn't in Iowa anymore and this sure as hell wasn't the Co-op, despite the bulk foods and spices aisles. I was in the consumerist, corporatist heartland of the U.S.A., in a chain store with no real soul and a parking lot jammed with luxury vehicles. I fully realized what I already knew: I had left the critical, pseudo-socialism of Iowa City for a state with questionable politics and a heavier drawl than I remembered.

Here was the moment my sorrow got balanced out, if you will: I called Yeon to say hello. She told me they were expected freezing rain that day. I was driving with my window down.

So, what Texas doesn't know is I've brought my Iowa training with me. It kicked in as we left a pound of flesh in exchange for our driver's licenses and men with guns (okay, state troopers) literally patrolled the building, leering over people waiting in line and asking them what their business was that day. Intimidation? I think so. But more on that later. My chariot- that is, my husband coming from church, awaits outside.

Katie's latest shenanigans

2008-12-13T16:53:00.001-08:00

it would end this way...dammit.

2008-12-07T17:57:00.000-08:00

We are under a winter weather watch starting tonight until 6 am Wednesday morning. Up to six inches of snow is possible. And the ten day forecast- bear in mind we have exactly two weeks left here in Iowa- predicts snowfall EVERY day.

Great.

Four black sacks of trash, four more for goodwill, and seven boxes (and counting) packed

2008-12-07T15:19:00.001-08:00

Assessing our house right now, there's no way it'll be ready by morning to go on the market. We originally set our goal to get it on the market as October 15. Obviously, that came and went. Then, it was last Thursday. There was just no way.

Numerous times I've wished Mom were here because I know she and I could knock out all the mess and cleaning and just get it done. After Katie was born, I remember Mom helped me straighten up the rest of the house that she and Dad didn't get to the day they spent cleaning when the baby and I were in the hospital (Eric and I are that messy); like magic, the dining room was clear.

Right now, the dining room is the hub of the chaos and I'm ready for the junk to disperse, either by some trickery or by sleeping it all away. It's a gauntlet, and Katie scrunches up her shoulders every time she walks through like a little pinball trying to avoid all the corners and obstacles. I think as soon as we get the stuff we're keeping downstairs and the stuff we're tossing to goodwill in the morning, once again, like magic, it'll be clear.

So, in the meantime, I'm looking forward to being closer to many of my close (and majority-pregnant) girlfriends in about two weeks. I told Steph yesterday that she and the girls can make it up for never coming to Iowa or making it to my baby shower by helping us unload the truck on the 22nd, pregnant or not. And, of course, the drive home is much less painful from Dallas than from Cedar Rapids. No more frozen tundra, no more six months of winter and a blip of a summer (beautiful as it may be).

A fear of disaster capitalism: My comment to the New York Times

2008-11-25T06:05:00.000-08:00

Here's a passage from a story in the New York Times:

"Mr. Obama, who has largely been secluded from public view since being elected three weeks ago as the 44th president, is taking steps to be more visible in the next phase of his transition. He is scheduled Tuesday to name his budget director, Peter R. Orszag, who held the job under President Bill Clinton, and is expected to outline new budget reforms that will call on Americans to make sacrifices." (emphasis mine)

And then this passage:

"Mr. Obama noted that he still intended to pursue a middle-class tax cut. “The very wealthiest among us,” he said, “will pay a little bit more in order for us to be able to invest in the economy and get it back on track.”

And now the background:
This story is about Obama's economic proposals to get the U.S. economy market going, and the members of his economic team. Great, fine, whatever.

Okay, here's my problem. I've been reading Naomi Klein's The Shock Doctrine- it's wonderful and provocative. It connects the dots- something mainstream journalism rarely ever does- between Friedman free-market policies and the atrocities the U.S. has been involved with around the world. In short, she shows how the implementation of so-called free market policies around the world, that is, the privatization and denationalization of markets and commodities, is intimately connected to violence.

In fact, she argues, free market policies rely on the a "shock" doctrine to unsettle and erase a population's reliance on Keynesian economic policies. The startling realization I had while reading this is our "work" in Iraq identically matches the work done in Chile, Brazil, Argentina and other countries around the world where interventionist American foreign policy, either covert or in public, overthrew democratically-elected governments (Salvador Allende, for instance) to implement through violence free market policies. These policies strip government funding from social services, increase interest rates to control inflation, but entail atrocious violence to control populations and result in massive poverty. This is a fact. This is neoliberalism. This is the free market that Bush has been touting the past few days to "calm" the markets.

Here's my concern with the New York Times article, and really, even though these are just excerpts, they are not taken out of context. I've been nervous about just who Obama will appoint to his economic team. I'm worried he will appoint devout neoliberals (a.k.a. neoconservatives) to his cabinet. He sorta has. But the line where the Times writers state that he is asking Americans, broadly speaking, to make sacrifices really got me worried.

And then, the next quote, where Obama clearly states that only the wealthiest will have their taxes raised. This is my problem, and it may seem minor: the conflation of the general American public with the wealthiest overall by discursively connecting all Americans, as in the first quote, with the wealthiest, as in Obama's quote. This functions to diminish the actual economic anxieties and realities of those of us who do not make millions of dollars a year. Moreover, it masks the discrepancies that exist between the rich and the poor, or that there even is a discrepancy.

Media scholars have shown, and the world's unreal expectations of what life is like in America- that we all drive nice cars and have gads of money, that there are material consequences to rhetoric like this in the news. People understand the world increasingly through representations in the media, and in this instance, a number of things may occur: policy makers may underestimate the need for truly "bold" economic policies that the Bush administration and other Republicans would NEVER dream of putting into place, the circumstances of the poor and struggling are underestimated and diminished- relegated to, "it's their own fault"- by such stories.

But, on another note, to connect to Klein's work, I do worry that we may not see progressive economic policies from the Obama administration but something else. Larry Summers was President Clinton's Treasury Secretary, and the Clintons are not Keynesians, for sure. I like his ideas so far...but we'll see. It's too early to tell.

I'm hoping the San Diego airport looks nothing like this today

2008-11-23T06:38:00.000-08:00

After being closed for two hours yesterday from fog, this is the scene at the airport when I arrived.

Some serious ridiculousness

2008-11-17T20:45:00.000-08:00

Perhaps my friend Shaina's headline was best: "This just in: Racism solved overnight!"

Of course, she's sarcastic. Much like me in my sheer disgust with white people thinking that with the election of a non-white guy to the presidency, all things are equal. As if it only were that easy.

But that's white privilege for you, to assume that racism is simply some complaint that people use as an excuse to get things for free. To say so is to deny the trenchant institutional barriers that remain against equality in this country, despite the ability to elect a non-white guy as president.

What started this line of thought was a post on MySpace, "White Guilt is Dead," from a guy I knew from high school. I knew it was something I shouldn't read and expect to walk away from unaffected, but I read it anyway.

The very premise of this post could be summarized by the post I saw by someone else on the Oklahoman's site after the election, something to the effect of, black people can no longer play the race card. The very premise of this line of thought, that racism can no longer be used as a valid "excuse" for inequity, is in and of itself racist. It excuses the racist structures that still persist, even with Obama's glorious election; in fact, the reactions to his election can be said to exacerbate the racism in this country. And don't even get me started on the white victimhood shit. Until white men no longer control the majority of this country and make the majority of the major decisions in the U.S., hush your mouth. You ain't got shit to complain about, alright?

So I hope someone will check out this link:
http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2008/11/16/13346/058/190/661895

I think it counters very nicely the way so-called conservative Christians talk out of both sides of their mouth in regards to living a Christ-like life while simultaneously condoning and perpetuating racist screeds like the one to which the Dailykos poster, and myself, responds.

To close, I plan on making a hobby out of confronting people head-on when they pull racist crap like this. I don't care how good a friend you are- you'll hear it from me. One of my best friends sent me a polite response to a post I made on MySpace informing me she and her husband were voting for McCain. That would be fine, if her response to me wasn't in reference to an article I posted that discussed the racist and violent outbursts at McCain/Palin rallies. Implicitly, she was condoning that behavior. And I just can't stomach that anymore. Not even from her.

I've already sent an email today to some wack job church in Wichita, which can only be regarded as the epicenter of Christian wingnuttery, in response to their sign outside their church that states something like America has a Muslim president (um, he hasn't been sworn in yet folks) and how a Muslim president was an sin or an abomination of God. All I've got to say about that is, are you fucking kidding me? Oh, and this: that whole bearing false witness thing. I guess it doesn't matter, eh?

About my dissertation...

2008-11-15T19:18:00.001-08:00

I've been drafting and drafting my dissertation proposal. In our department, we have to present our proposal at our weekly PhD seminars to our graduate peers and faculty members before we defend our proposals to our committees. The original plan was to be past both of those milestones by now, but one week prior to my seminar presentation, my advisor gave me the big thumbs-down...and I was back to the drawing board.

Finally, at long last, I got the green light from Sujatha (my advisor) on Friday morning that we could schedule my seminar presentation and defense. It is SUCH a relief, only because I have to do all these things before we move to Dallas, or come back in the fall when she gets back from leave. It was never that my idea was bad, I just didn't have the theoretical section and methods ironed out enough at that point. I did a little dance Friday morning when I got Sujatha's email, though. My officemate, who is at the same point I am, just not moving in five weeks, congratulated me. He and I will be presenting our proposals on the same day at seminar.

Anyways, about my topic. I wanted to write about it here because I noticed Amad from Muslim Matters responded to my last post- very cool to see you on here, Amad. I can't remember how
I found Muslim Matters, probably on another blog, but the work your site does is so important. I hope anyone who happens upon this site- especially anyone who tried to discredit Barack Obama because they think there's anything wrong with being a Muslim- happens upon Muslim Matters as well...

To my topic: it's changed quite a bit since I came to Iowa in 2005. I never could have predicted this is what I would be doing, but that's only because the U of Oklahoma has little to no coursework on globalization, particularly as it pertains to mass communications theory, so I wouldn't have thought of it then. I came here knowing I wanted to work with
Latino immigrant communities and their relationships with media. At first, it was how Latinas negotiated gender identity in relation to mass media, but then, the immigration stuff became prominent nationally, and so I became more interested in immigrant communities in general. And, of course, I had cancer and then had Katie in two successive summers, so my other plan to do my dissertation work in Peru on an activist organizations' work to construct radio broadcasts to empower indigenous women in the Andes kinda fell through...

And then I began to study for my comps. For my primary area, International Communication, globalization, and diaspora, two of my readings sparked an idea: Benedict Anderson writes that newspapers (and so, mass media) were the catalyst for the creation for the nation. News consumption serves as a ritual that coheres the members of the nation; it is a regular reminder that others, just like them, are participating in the same process. So, the news/mass media play a crucial function in maintaining the nation, which is ultimately an imagined entity.

Globalization unsettles the nation, however, through the processes that alter the autonomy of the nation-state. We've witnessed a good example of these processes the past few weeks with the financial crises- no nation can operate independently of the global financial markets. They are all intertwined, and the nation-state (the government apparatus of the nation) must work with the financial sector to function properly. Think Hank Paulson here and his capitulation at first to the multinational banking companies.

Arjun Appadurai writes, much more intelligently than me, that the interplay between people, money, technology, media, and ideas (or, as he calls them, ethnoscapes, financescapes, technoscapes, mediascapes, and ideoscapes) characterize the processes of globalization. These "-scapes" are independent yet imbricated in one another, and activity in one sets off activity in other. An example: foreign investment in privatized Mexico, supported by the U.S. and Mexican governments, upheaved the Mexican economy, compelling its impoverished citizens to migrate to the U.S. to work, often at the (illegal) recruitment of U.S. businesses. Here, you see the interaction of money, people,and ideas (government support of certain policies, i.e., privatization of formerly communal lands in Mexico, U.S. government backing of these endeavors).

When you think about Appadurai's argument that these -scapes overlap one another, so, for instance, corporations can also have a stake in the finance, techno, and media-scapes through multiple holdings in multiple companies, including media companies and, say, government contracting, then I argue that we see the convergence of the media and ideo-scapes in relation to the ethnoscapes.

In short, my dissertation is asking how globalization and the nation-state can co-exist, and I think it's because the media serve a surveillance function that discipline the citizenry, reminding citizens first, that the nation exists (without giving too many details about its globality, per se) and second, how to be good citizens.

This is where immigrants come in. I think it is through media representations of the immigrant family that the boundaries of the nation are defined and by extension, the criteria for membership in it, and that through representations of the deviant immigrant family, we learn how we in turn should conduct ourselves based on the discursive example of them of what not to do. I'm choosing the immigrant family because it is gendered, but also because it serves as the key economic unit. This is a really complicated part of my theoretical section that I have to unpack, but that's the gist of my argument and rationale for using it. Plus, studies tend to focus on women, and I want to know the role men play in all this.

But here's the really cheesy, I guess, conclusion to my proposal, that sums up my position on all this (and yes, it's okay for researchers to have a position):

To me, immigration reform is not only about immigrants or delusions of cultural invasion as the American Right would have us believe but rather about controlling populations in light of pervasive neoliberal regimes that benefit economically from migrant peoples as well as the misdirected attention of resident citizens. The goal of this study is to examine the ways in which such control manifests, is resisted, and most importantly how the media participates in this process. On the one hand, the immigration debate results in a chilled civic atmosphere that pits people against one another and degrades and ostracizes migrant communities; on the other, the immigration debate myopically disguises the scope and mechanisms of globalization and the ways in which we are all affected by it by insisting on the primacy of the national scale. If the mass media provide the imaginary of which Appadurai (1996) writes and straddle the media- and ideo-scapes as I argue they do, then an examination of their role in constructing the public knowledge that facilitates the disciplining of docile national bodies as well as the mass media’s capacity to resist this work is crucial to the preservation of American democracy. Given the rhetoric of the current American presidential election in which we are urged by the Republican Party to put “Country First” while simultaneously vilifying the Fourth Estate, I regard the work to preserve democracy ever more pressing.

The latest goings-on with Katie

2008-11-15T11:12:00.000-08:00

Katie had her 15-month well-baby appointment Thursday morning. She's 31 inches tall, and weighs 21 pounds. There's no health concerns, although I told the doctor that she's a pretty picky eater. As a result, we now have a list of ways to increase her caloric intake- as Dr. Norman said, it's basically anything we wish we could eat. We have the doctor's permission to put as much cheese and butter on her food, to fry her vegetables, and to even let her drink cream instead of whole milk. I'm not kidding. Heavy cream.

We're not giving her cream, but we will start adding half-and-half to her milk. The only reason I brought up her eating habits to the doctor was because we've noticed that she's a little crankier than usual and for a spell, woke up at night. It could be related to the teeth that were coming in, and she's plenty active- still pooping and peeing just fine. But we know that Katie only gets truly cranky when she's hungry...but she only reliably eats fruit and drinks her milk.

Also, her teacher gave us a handout that explains how to handle picky eaters, and this reading and the doctor both agree that Katie has to be in control of her eating. We can't make a big deal of what or if she eats. And, she has to eat because she wants to, not because it makes us happy. We've also been instructed that meal time has to end promptly when she begins to fool around- which we normally do anyways- to teach her to respect meal time. This is probably the area I'm most to blame for, because I've typically let her play with her food if she wants.

But, our life in Iowa is winding down- there's only five weeks til we move. We won't have to put Katie in day care right away in Texas, but I've realized that her school has spoiled me. It's going to be hard to find a place that's as wonderful. Katie's teacher arrives at 9 am, and we get there most days a little before. I notice that Katie looks for Jessie, her teacher, when she isn't there yet. The other morning, I dropped Katie off right around the time Jessie was walking into their room, and all the kids rushed her to say hi. They love her and she's the one person Katie will go to easily when we drop her off.

That's leads to one last thought: say and think what you will about women leaving the home to work, but the difficulty working parents have in finding good child care is appalling. Full time child care is essential for Eric and I to get our work done, yet the monthly cost for day care for a child Katie's age is astronomical. If I had ever thought that I would want to be a stay-at-home mother, I should not have started my PhD because it's landed us deeply in debt and it would be a waste on my intellectual investment to just give up on my work...so no matter what, it's not an option. It just isn't.

But one thing I've been reading for my dissertation proposal argues that the family unit is the key economic unit in a capitalist society, although it is hardly ever viewed as such. It's the family that makes the biggest investment in human capital, and therefore, for society to be healthy, we need to make an investment in nurturing child caregivers- regardless if it's mothers or early childhood teachers. As it stands, caring for children is devalued in our society, even if it's done solely by the child's mother. But since so few parents can afford to stay at home to raise their children- and the U.S. is one of the few developed countries that does not offer paid maternity in some form- it is nearly impossible to expect one parent to leave the workforce. Yet, we are in dire need of a healthy, productive work force (although it sucks that humans are defined by their productivity). That's something to think about.

Employee Free Choice Act- why it should pass, via a little satire

2008-11-13T20:47:00.000-08:00

Good stuff

2008-11-11T16:55:00.001-08:00

Check out these pictures of Obama:
http://digitaljournalist.org/issue0810/callie-bp.html

Moo-mer Noo-ner

2008-11-09T17:09:00.000-08:00

That's right. We got her to say "Boomer" and "Sooner." She also says, "Go! Go!"

Relinquishing control of the wipies: Sunday morning art and a new word

2008-11-09T08:42:00.000-08:00

We've danced all morning and now Katie is taking every wipy out of the box. I just gave in. She handed it to me to open and I just opened it. Otherwise, she'd be throwing a fit right now and really, who cares if she empties the thing. I don't.

She gets to color and make art all the time at school, so it occurred to me last week she needed crayons at home- and that I needed some sort of filing system to save every piece she brings home (yes, every single one). When she sits on my lap at my desk, she always grabs for the pens and markers. I got her some pens and crayons of her own and she's pretty good at understanding that she can only color on the paper. In fact, that's how I discovered her next new word, paper. Add that to a few others, like turtle, and I think she says "bye" for butterfly. Did I mention she dashes around the house?

I wish I could get a good shot of her hands, because they're covered in blue ink right now. Here's the best shot I could get.

It's a New Day

2008-11-08T18:31:00.001-08:00

Blueberry fool

2008-11-08T10:23:00.000-08:00

It's a ham-and-bean sort of day in Iowa. The temp is somewhere in the 30s, it's windy, and it's spitting snow on us. Nothing is accumulating- thank goodness- but it's generally inhospitable weather.

About those ham and beans: I thought I had a full pound or an extra bag, but didn't. After some debate about using black beans in addition to Great Northern, unshowered Eric bundled up and headed to the grocery store. There are two HyVees near us, one of which we generally avoid because it's smaller and pretty run down. It's nickname? The Ghetto V.

Anyways, unwashed Eric headed to this particular HyVee because it's closest, and came back saying he fit right in, particularly since all he bought was one bag of beans. We really looked like we're in a recession, if that was all he was buying.

I did indeed go into recession mode last weekend at Sam's, due in no small part to the letter I got from one of the schools I applied to, saying they were postponing filling the position. It freaked me out a little bit, but I ended up buying bulk veggies and goods and we shouldn't have to go the grocery store for much more than milk and bread for awhile.

That isn't to say, though, that I didn't get Katie some blueberries today. We needed milk and other perishables, so she and I headed to the other HyVee. When milk was one dollar more expensive, she and I made the trek across town to get the dairy products at Sam's. Lo and behold, they had a big container of fresh blueberries, and Katie LOVES blueberries.

We got home just in time for lunch. It started with a banana (another weekly purchase) but soon progressed to the blueberries. Eric put five on the tray, and she immediately put them all in her mouth, one by one. For the next twenty minutes, she stuffed her mouth full of blueberries, asking for "mo-ah" in between. Her word for blueberries: "Boobear" or something similar to that.

It was cute- as usual. As soon as three more were on the tray, they were in her mouth. We've kinda worn out the bananas, because that's what used to happen to it. She's a pretty picky eater- we only know that she'll eat fruit and drink her milk for sure. Right now, I think all those blueberries are coarsing through her veins, because she's not going down for a nap too easily.

"For those of you whose vote I did not win tonight..."

2008-11-04T21:21:00.000-08:00

"I hear your voice."

That says it all in my mind. This isn't a president who will push through a "mandate," but will work for consensus. This is democracy.

This is one of those nights that I think we'll know exactly what happened and where we were at forty years from now. It's that important.

I am truly overwhelmed with what happened this evening. Overwhelmed, joyful and proud. Very proud. And so glad I was a part of it.

We can change the world...(another reprise)

2008-11-04T10:14:00.000-08:00

YES WE CAN! (A Reprise)

2008-11-04T10:11:00.000-08:00

"It's like hope...only different" ;)

2008-11-04T10:10:00.000-08:00

The question of Obama's patriotism

2008-11-03T08:03:00.000-08:00

So, my personal connection to the wingnut Right (not you, Eric Baker ;) ) accused me this morning of not supporting the troops because I support a candidate who supposedly won't even salute the flag, or some crap like that.

Yeah, I'm for ending this war. I see it as an imperialist, neoliberal ploy to expand certain people's power that's ending up killing thousands and maiming thousands more of our troops, not to mention the hundreds and maybe millions of Iraqis that have been killed in our overwrought powergrab. But clearly, questioning war is not patriotic in the minds of some. Rather, dissent is intolerable for those who claim to be the most patriotic.

Well, I'm afraid this isn't the military. We can question our commander and thankfully, we still have the ability to do so, according to that lovely little First Amendment of ours, however misappropriated and mangled it is coming out of Sarah Palin's mouth.

But, to be more productive, what does it mean to support the troops? Does it mean sending them on a dummy mission, to an endless war? Or does it mean arming them with the best leaders and intel available, providing them with the best armor and gear possible, and then the best care after they've left combat, to ensure that they're successful at what they do, in general?

If that's the case, McCain certainly supports his troops in one regard: he's not quite sure when he wants to end the war in Iraq. But, on the other, he fails miserably. For someone so "pro-soldier," he sure sucks. Don't believe me? Then maybe you'll listen to military veterans:

http://www.vetvoice.com/showDiary.do?diaryld=1973

Oh, and I guess this means Colin Powell doesn't the support the troops, either. The hypocrisy never seems to end, it seems.

Trying to leave it all on the road

2008-11-02T07:54:00.000-08:00

This last weekend before the election, the refrain for Democrats is, "Leave it all on the road." We know that who wins the election Tuesday will be the party with the most successful Get Out the Vote effort. I did my part yesterday, spending three hours canvassing here in the Southeast section of Cedar Rapids. Tuesday morning, I'll be a pollwatcher down the street at our polling precinct.

At first, I was a little nervous about canvassing. It takes a lot for me to muster the nerve to speak to total strangers out of the blue. Waiting tables was one thing- I was getting paid to talk to strangers- but I largely left "real" journalism because of my hesitance to bother total strangers. But I forget that I can be pretty persistent, and once I got started, it was really easy- and very enjoyable.

My Saturday started at a 9 am training meeting at the Linn County Democrats office. I noticed immediately that the street parking was full in front of the office and so I pulled around the back, where a number of people were walking in with me. At the training meeting, the small front room was full with, I'd say, 50 people. Turnout was so high, the organizers hadn't made enough copies of the training manual. I'm amazed at how efficient the system is, and how closely they track who votes and who doesn't- during the day, the parties will be able to know exactly who has voted and who hasn't, and will call those that haven't to get them to the polls, which in Iowa, close at 10 pm.

Another thing about voting in Iowa: not only have they had amazing turnout at early voting, the state also allows you to register and vote the same day, even the day of the election. And- I know Republicans will scream, "Voter fraud!" but individual voter fraud is exceedingly rare- if you don't have some proof of residence, you can bring a friend who lives by you to prove who you are.

I get really emotional about GOTV efforts. It just strikes me as the epitome of democracy- ensuring that as many people who can, vote. Part of the swag I was loaded down with yesterday were fliers to give people to let them know what they needed to bring with them to register and vote, and also door hanger-thingies with their polling place printed on it and the list of Democrats down-ticket.

I think if one thing encapsulates Obama's candidacy and his potential as president, though, it was this exchange at the training meeting Saturday:

An elderly man asks with a smile, "What are the rules about fraternizing with the enemy?" Referring, of course, to the Republican pollwatchers we'll be sitting next to on Tuesday.

The organizer running the training, to the chuckles in the room, says, "Of course, when you mark off Republicans from our list that are voting for Obama, we suggest you do those with a little extra flourish."

"But," he pointed out, "the Obama campaign has been stressing, 'Respect, Empower, and Include.'"

And that's just it. Obama's policies, while the Right freaks out about socialism (although I challenge them to actually define it, and then tell me what exactly would be so bad about it), are the most humane and just of the two parties. There might be some gray area in some of his plans, but I fail to see how conservatives can reconcile their beliefs with McCain/Palin's self-centered, individualistic, neoliberal platform. How can anyone object to a president who, by all accounts so far, treats each person with respect and dignity, in his politics and in his actions? How can anyone object to a president who empowers parts of the country who, up until this election, have been forgotten, abused, and sold down the river? Does it not mean something to anybody that Obama is reaching out to the nooks and crannies of the U.S. that have been sorely unrepresented until his candidacy? For me, it speaks volumes that so many people of color feel like they have a voice for once. Shouldn't that be what democracy is about? Giving a voice and a say to all, not just the majority?

On NPR some time in the last month or so, they did a feature on McCain and his favorite poem, which is coincidentally the one in which John Donne writes that no man is an island. I'm searching for that poem exactly, because I think it's ironic that a man who espouses the most individualistic policies would claim to love a poem that outlines exactly the opposite- how we are all connected, how, as Obama has said, and I've written before, we are all our brother and sister's keeper. We must all watch out for each other- and government's role is to help us in doing so. If government is not for the betterment of its people, and not just multinationals, then I don't know what else it's supposed to do.

Yesterday, this little 80-something lady who used a walker had her friend summon me back to her door after she sent me away, telling me she had voted by mail.

I went back to her door, "Yes, ma'am?"

"I forgot to tell you that I voted for Obama," she said. "I wanted you to be able to put another mark down for him."

"That's great!" I said, writing it down on the sheet. "What house number is this again?"

She told me the number, saying that we probably had her son's name down.

"Has he voted?" I asked her.

"No, but I'll be on him about it," she said with a smile, shooing a little dog away from the front door.

The part of town I was canvassing in was about the same as ours: middle-to-working class. But when people were home to talk to, they were excited about voting. They were excited to vote for Obama. And I can understand why. I am, too.

Halloween, Part 2

2008-11-01T08:41:00.001-07:00

We stand for change

2008-10-30T10:47:00.000-07:00

It got me at the end...

Our lucid little communicator

2008-10-25T08:54:00.000-07:00

Last night, we were playing around on the couch and Katie climbed off suddenly. She walked into the dining room, turns around and looks at us and says, "Mil, mil." That's how she asks for milk.

So we ask back, "Milk, Katie?"

She nods her head "Yes," and walks to the kitchen and starts to pat on the refrigerator door.

Are kids supposed to communicate so clearly like this at 15 months? Patting the fridge door and saying, "Mil, mil," is nothing new. What's really funny is she's gotten good as saying "No," or rather, "Nononono" lately, and she's only recently learned how to shake her head in the affirmative. I mean, she says, "no!" A LOT. A LOT. So much that her teacher at school said, "We heard the 'N-O' word for the first time today."

I told her teacher that we actually hear that word all the time. But I understand now why Jessie spelled "no" out when telling us, because we need to start spelling out B-A-T-H-T-I-M-E and B-E-D-T-I-M-E. The other night, it was bathtime, and we asked Katie if she were ready for her bath. She shook her head "no" furiously, saying, "nononono." We then asked if she were ready for bed then, and she started freaking out and crying, shaking her head, and saying, "Nononono."

I think I've read the same three books to Katie about four times each this morning so far. Each time, she gets the book, comes over to me, if I've been sitting in my office chair, she turns me toward her, and pats my lap after handing me the book. I'm a little worn out of Moo, Ba, La, La, La, so I just told her that Papa would love to read it to her. So, she walked over to him, and he read it to her.

Okay, I think they just got hold of the latest issue of Mother Jones, and Eric's looking for some
article to read to her in there...just normal Saturday morning shenanigans.

Halloween, Part 1

2008-10-24T18:58:00.001-07:00

One cool kid...

2008-10-20T20:12:00.001-07:00

Some Katie to get you through the day...

2008-10-20T20:04:00.001-07:00

"Up," "Down"

2008-10-19T18:05:00.000-07:00

Katie's quickly adding to her repertoire of words: today, it was "bubble," and I just discovered that she can say and understand "up" and "down."

After talking to Mom on the phone for a little bit, I came into her room where she was playing with Eric. He got up to run her bath, and I had her on my lap in her rocking chair. She got down, grabbed a book, and I put her in my lap again. But she climbed down, and started pulling on my shirt. At first, I thought she meant to sit on the floor so she could sit on my lap there, but instead, she wanted me to vacate the rocking chair so she could sit there herself. As soon as I was out, she began patting the seat cushion, and I put her up there, where she rocked like crazy for a few minutes.

She's been using books to get us to get her lately. We'll be sitting on the couch, she'll bring us a book, we think she wants us to read it to her, but what she really wants is for us to lift her onto the couch, because she starts climbing all over us and walking back and forth. It's her little game. She loves sitting in the big people chairs.

But after she conned me into getting out of the rocker, I asked if she could say up, to which she said, "Up."

"Can you say 'down,' Katie?"

"Down."

And then, to show Eric, I'd say "Up," and she'd stand up. I'd say, "Down," and she'd sit down. Back and forth, back and forth.

...but that all ended with the advent of her not-first bubble bath a few seconds ago- we put in soothing vapor bath because she has serious congestion right now, to which she lifted her feet to keep from touching. Now, she's crying because bath time was over. I guess there's no winning.

A quick word before getting back to work...

2008-10-19T13:31:00.000-07:00

One thing that has really stuck with me since last week's presidential debate is McCain's dismissal of the claim that the health of the mother should be an exception to an abortion ban. I mean, he didn't just dismiss it, he disregarded it as a concern, claiming that it was an excuse used by us lefties that could mean anything. You know: Geez, this morning sickness sucks. Guess I should use that old "health of the mother" exemption and go get myself an abortion. Geez, I'm inconvenienced by this pregnancy thing, guess I should use my health as an excuse...

So I looked up a few things- using that intellectual curiosity that it seems at least one Republican (thanks, General Powell!) still values. I knew that the U.S. has one of the worst maternal mortality rates for developed countries, that it's something like 29th in the world...

I don't have an exact citation for that, but I do for this one: according to UNIFEM, the UN organization that is dedicated to women's issues globally, 500,000 women die every year from pregnancy and childbirth complications. 99 percent of those deaths are in the developing world. That means 5,000 mothers in the developed world- like the U.S.- still die from pregnancy-related causes.

Do you get that? 5,000 women, who presumably have access of some sort, albeit in a private hospital or a free clinic, die from pregnancy complications. That's not a small number, and it's certainly bigger than it should be in a world that can send people into space. But evidently, and McCain's words are proof, women's issues, even those regarding their ability to give birth to children, are not issues. We are not invested as a world, much less a country, in protecting women, vulnerable or otherwise. We will, however, dismiss them, silence them, let them die.

Perhaps even more upsetting is the fact the complications from which so many women still die are mostly treatable: preeclampsia, for instance, or gestational diabetes in the U.S., and diseases like obstetric fistula in the developing world.

And within the U.S., guess who the women are that are dying from these problems? It's not the Cindy McCains of the world, that's for sure. It's the women in poor communities who cannot afford prenatal care, who cannot go to their monthly check-ups, and who may not know that such things are essential to their health.

But I guess that's not important enough, Mr. McCain. I guess it's just an excuse.

UPDATE: Thanks to my sharp father-in-law for noticing my faulty math...Fixed it!

"An Exceptional" President: Gen. Colin Powell Endorses Obama

2008-10-19T13:17:00.001-07:00

McCain's response was to say he had four former Secretaries of State endorsing him. I ask, how many of those four are bi-partisan AND former high-ranking members of the military?

Another big "Ugh!"

2008-10-18T12:39:00.000-07:00

Another thought that occurred to me in my increasing disdain with the Religious Right:

JFK was questioned because he was Catholic, the claim being that he would answer to the Pope and not his country. Mitt Romney had the same experience. And, in a much more crazy way, Obama's allegiance is being questioned because of Rev. Wright's liberation theology (I think that's the correct term). God forbid someone speak the truth about the U.S.'s continuing racism...

Here's the deal: these leaders have been run through the ringer for the religious allegiances, the fear being that their allegiance lies somewhere besides America. See it in Michelle Bachmans' stupidity.

But then, today, I look at a friend's church's web site, and I guess I found out what I already knew. This site said something to the effect of, "Remember, you're a citizen of Heaven before a citizen of America..."

Um, hello??? How dare you question Obama's allegiances, when clearly your country comes after your desire to please God. I wish I could be kind and say this was somehow not an instance of clear hypocrisy, but it is. I really just can't stomach evangelical Christians. I don't know how they somehow get off thinking that they're persecuted in this country, that somehow their values are threatened in this country, and yet they demand perfection of all others while crying, "But I'm forgiven!" They fail to hold themselves to the same standards by which everyone else is held accountable because they're "saved." To me, that's just an excuse to treat others like shit based on your faulty interpretation of the Bible...how about expanding that measure of forgiveness to others? Or maybe the silly little Golden Rule? And how about a moment of reflexivity where you see that the very attributes that these extremist Christians are using to vilify Obama are built into their own churches, that is, some (alleged) loyalty to something other than "America."

You know, it wouldn't be nearly so annoying- no, infuriating- that evangelicals take direction from their pastors and answer to them if they didn't question and persecute anyone who it's whispered to answer to anyone themselves. Did anyone stop and question the premise of not only the crazy McCain rally lady's assertion that we can't trust Obama because he's an Arab, but also McCain's reply that he's not Arab, but a good family man? Apparently, the two categories are mutually exclusive or something and well, I have a hard time with someone like McCain telling me what is or is not a good family man even though I believe that Obama is just that.

"I hold in my hand a paper with the names of communists on it..."

2008-10-17T17:36:00.000-07:00

And so Joe McCarthy began his reign of terror in the 1950s. Flash forward to 2008, post-Civil Rights, post-Cold War, and we see Republicans painting those of us with progressive values in the same light. Perhaps Republicans want to live in a police state where dissent is punished with violence, but I don't. If you don't either, then please stop listening to the bullshit Republican platforms that can't talk issues, only hatred, fear, and fascism.

That's right. Fascism. Or, I'll let the editor of the Nation say it for me: